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Thursday, January 11, 2007

I'm a bad wife...

Is it wrong that I kicked my husband out of our bed tonight so that I could watch my favorite shows companionless? Before you start to catechize me, I just want to add that I did give him the alternative option to go out with his buddies tonight to do whatever he and his buddies do when they get together (I don't ask), but he decided, instead, to come home and sleep in the family room. So here's the part where I should explain my reason for banishing my dear husband from his own resting place.

Ok, now did that just sound like I was kicking George out of his place of internment? Maybe I should rephrase that...

I should explain my reason for banishing my dear husband from his own resting place bed. Since it's likely that you've never been in bed with him while he's been sleeping, then you have probably never heard his combination snoring/humming habit. My only way I can think to describe this follows:

He starts out his sleep with a low hum. It's a very low, rhythmic hum.

(breathe in)


(breathe in)


(repeat for about 5 minutes)

It's a little irritating, but easily drowned out by upping the volume on the television, or wrapping a pillow around my head. But it's only a matter of minutes before the snoring begins and the humming becomes much more excessive, and much less easy to tune out. It kind of goes like this:








(repeat for about 8 hours)

And let me explain, without exaggeration, that the humming bears a close resemblance to Henry Limpet's best sonar bellowing. You know, when he becomes the fish, and tries to trick the enemy submarines... Yes, it's that bad. And it's all night. Every night.

So tonight, I asked for a recess, and now George is asleep (snoring and humming) in his favorite chair. He doesn't seem to mind. I ask you, what else was a girl to do when she just wanted to veg out and watch a little mindless television without interruption? I guess I could have watched The Incredible Mr. Limpet and George would have just enhanced the surround sound experience. Maybe I'll keep that in mind for tomorrow night. Or maybe I could buy a set of earphones for watching TV in bed, and a pair of earplugs for sleeping. Or maybe I could just repeat a little prayer in my head. "God, grant me the serenity to not smother my husband with his pillow..."

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Blogger Yesterdays_ashes said...

I will never be able to watch this movie again without thinking of George............ROFL

January 14, 2007 at 1:15 AM  

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